Take Care of You

My parents are in their 70’s. There was a time a couple of years ago, when every time I would call, I would hear which friends of theirs had died. Nearly every call, it was always someone. Sad, but it happens as people age. I’ve come to accept this and realize that it’s just part of the circle of life.

In the last year, it’s been the other way around and I’m scratching my head. I’m not even 40 and seem to lose a friend, usually quite dear to me, at least monthly and I’m wondering why? What is happening to my generation that is causing us to pass so young? What is so different from how we’re living compared to my senior citizen parents?

In the last year, I’ve lost two friends to cancer, one to a heart attack, two to suicide, a cousin and many others that I care to mention, but won’t, for fear to bring you down.

This month’s loss has me truly concerned for our generation. Are we trying to do too much? Are we trying to accomplish too much while trying on this new “perception is everything” to others that everything is A-OK, when in fact, we need support and are not A-OK?

Just a thought I’ve been pondering… But while I think about it, please take care of yourself, friends. We’re young and we have so much yet to do.

The Photo’s You Post To Your Online Dating Profile

I finally decided to take on the world of online dating. Eeek! What an odd world. There are so many unspoken rules, so I thought I’d give some suggestions for the hard up man looking for a gal regarding posting photos to your online profile. I’m definitely not an authority on the subject but I thought I could shed some feedback based on some of my recent (wacky) experiences. (Ladies, you can use this advice too, just reverse the sexes.)

If you’re looking for a woman, it’s just never a good idea to post a picture with another one. I don’t care if she’s your cousin, your friend, your ex-girlfriend, your special buddy, etc. This does not entice us… at all. No one wants to start a ‘ship’ with someone that may have someone you need to compete with for attention. Whoever told you this would be a good idea did not have your best interests in mind. It suggests that she is still in your life, and I can safely say, that none of us are looking for any ‘ship’ with. If you’re trying to look like a player, again, this will not entice us because if we wanted a player, we’d go to a club or bar and skip this whole process. You’re actually much better off posting a picture that’s blurry or from far away.

It’s never necessary to post a picture of your bike, your guitar, your car, your boat, etc. That only tells us that you’re obsessed with these items and you would probably talk about these things incessantly on our date anyway. It tells me nothing that words in your profile couldn’t explain to me already.

One thing I see a lot of men do, and I feel so bad for them, is post pictures of them with their best looking friends. Not only do I want to contact you to ask for their information, but it’s too hard to not compare you to what’s standing next to you. I know it’s not a nice thing to say, but it’s true and I just don’t recommend it. You could be the greatest guy on earth but we’re not going to know it if you do this. (This comment makes me feel like a complete witch, but I promised you honesty.)

The pictures you post should be of you. If you have a good picture of yourself but someone is in it with you, CROP it! Technology has come a long way and has given us the ability to do this. If you’re online dating you should have a grasp of the editing tools you can use to do this with and even if you don’t, learn. It will definitely behoove you to learn in the long run.

Post pictures that look like you! It is so awkward to meet someone that doesn’t look like their photo. Posting a current photo of your likeness will save us both a lot of time and awkwardness. Not to mention, it is in some respect, lying. It’s ok if you’re not photogenic, most people aren’t. It’s been said that the eyes are the window to one’s soul. I truly believe you can usually decide if you like someone based on what their eyes and profile say.

As I said earlier, I’m definitely not the authority on online dating. But, it’s not like I’m a singleton in the profession of matchmaking (cough cough, Patti Stanger). BUT I can, with complete honesty, let you know my opinions based on the wacky experiences I’ve had in this short period of time. Take heed, but don’t give up!!!

Stay tuned for more adventures in my sordid dating life.

Indemnify? Puh-lease.

A week ago, I had a reliable car that was paid for. This week, I don’t. This week, I have a mountain of new expenses that I couldn’t afford last week and can’t afford now. Why? Because some moron drove his tank into the back of my car because he “wasn’t paying attention.”

I was the original owner on my car. It was 15 years old, but because I took such good care of it, it would probably last me a lot longer than that. I knew everything about it, what it had been through, how much gas cost to fill it up, and how much it cost to insure it.

Because this guy was under-insured, it is now up to my insurance policy to cover HIS accident. They keep telling me not to worry because I have great insurance and they will indemnify me. I now have to pay the deductible and the medical treatment to my neck and constant headaches have to come out of my pocket. I will be reimbursed of course, but that’s assuming I had this money to begin with. I will now have to figure out how to buy a car with the pay out from the insurance company for a 15-year-old car. They do not consider that it was paid for nor do they consider that I took really good care of it and therefore was able to keep it this long. I am going to have to take money out of my retirement so that I’m able to buy something more than a heap. And the insurance will go up. (AND YES, I KNOW that my insurance will not go up for this accident because it wasn’t my fault, but I do know that the insurance premium will change because they do from car to car.) That’s right. This all falls on me now.

What is wrong with this picture? All I was doing was sitting in traffic, and because he wasn’t paying attention, everything has to change for me. I am a good driver and drive safely yet I have to deal with all of this. Because he wasn’t paying attention I have to suffer. Because he wasn’t paying attention I have to come up with money to buy a vehicle I know nothing about while all of my expenses will go up. I drive safely and take care of my car and this guy walks away with barely even a ding in his bumper?

To be indemnified means that they will restore me back to what I had before the accident. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? I will never feel the same way on the road again. (Will I ever get that sound, images and feeling out of my head?) I won’t have a car that I was the original owner on, took care of and knew everything about. My insurance will change. I have to pay a deductible. They’re not going to pay me for the full tank of gas it has. Or the new tires I just put on it. Or even the oil change it just had!! How can giving me what my car is worth to them today (which is entirely different) even remotely indemnifying me in any way, shape or form?

The system is seriously flawed and is most definitely not built to indemnify because that's a load of horse manure.

You Are Not Alone

For the last year I’ve been struggling financially. Not unlike anyone else in this country, but I thought I would share my experience with you because I feel comforted when I know I’m not the only one going through a particular situation.

Over a year ago, I got a new boss hired by a slew of other new bosses who came in and changed the commission structure in which we were paid. Not only did she halve our commissions, but also changed our monthly commission pay out to quarterly, which was very difficult to get used to after being with the company for almost 5 years. Most of us on the team found ourselves so underwater in our finances that by the time we got our paycheck, the pay we received basically paid our debts that we had incurred over the previous quarter. With that we had to deal with new heads of departments that not only made our work life a living hell because they changed every way we had done business for the past 5 years, but we had to watch as they enjoyed their monthly pay, while we were paid every 3 months.

I’ll admit, my overhead was a bit high and was used to living very comfortably. Now, I was using my entire check to pay my rent and for bills. I had a very small savings account and decided to take the opportunity to try and purchase a condo through a short sale. The price was absurdly cheap and my mortgage payments would be over $200 cheaper than renting. The condo needed a lot of work and was 30 miles away, but I was looking forward to fixing up my own little home and it was where the weather was warmer, so I jumped at the opportunity. During this short sale, because my savings were so small, my assets were frozen and I was not allowed to use my savings because it was for my down payment and closing costs. When I won the condo in the short sale, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel because with my mortgage + HOA dues being smaller than my rent was, I would be able to save some money and redo the place. And even better, I would soon be able to afford a new car since mine is 15-years old.

When I moved, I was in the middle of the pay cycle and would not be getting a check until the end of January. (We got paid the month after the quarter ended.) In January, through fault of my own and my inability to keep my snarky comments to myself, I lost my job.

So, I had my commission check that was used to pay for the move and the expenses I had incurred to live on + unemployment. Not to mention a home that was waiting to be redone and since I couldn't afford dog gates, what wasn't already icky was now destroyed by chewing or dog pee.

The day after I lost my job, I was contacted by a recruiter that said they had a great opportunity for me and I stupidly took the bait. I took everything they told me as truth and ended up losing pretty much everything, including my self-esteem. After that, I went on several job interviews but was really afraid of being “sold” another position in which they lied about the package I would be receiving. With 5 people trying for every 1 job, I felt I was lucky when I finally received a job making less than half of what I was making, plus the potential for more income through commission.

For 6 months, I was able to stay on top of my bills but at about June, I saw that I was not ramping up as expected and that I was about to run out of money. I contacted all of my creditors (believe me, I racked up a lot of debt from the quarterly pay and then being out of work) and asked if there was any way that they could lower the monthly payments. Or maybe I could just give them $20 until I was back on my feet - anticipating that would be soon. Each and everyone of them said no, and not only no, but if I didn’t pay soon, the minimum payment would go up.

Shortly after that futile attempt, I had a seizure at my office, which was most likely caused by a stress-induced migraine. I was taken on a five-mile ride by ambulance to the hospital where I was for only 3 hours. This bill ended up being over $10,000 and I’m still actually fighting for the right to my license as the ambulance reported my loss of consciousness to the DMV.

So now, here I am. Barely making any money still (yet miraculously still optimistic) and I am now receiving over 25 calls a day to my cell and home phone from creditors that I had tried to contact to work out something but would have nothing to do with me.

The minimum payments pretty much double every month and I’ve hit all the limits so I’m being charged late fees and over limit charges. And the calls keep coming. Not one company remembers me trying to contact them to work out a deal, yet they all want to work out a deal now. I’ve tried being honest about my situation to no avail. They say that they can lower the APR and wave fees for me, but it’s too late, I repeat myself over and over that I have nothing and don’t know when I will. They ask if I can get the money from someone, in which I respond that I’m single. They ask if I will have the money tomorrow, in which I say no. Then they talk louder and say that I better figure something out soon because the payment keeps rising. They assure me they will give me a week before the calls keep coming and also assure me they won’t call my cell anymore. And when we hang up? They call in the next half-hour to both lines.

I have a couple things to say to you creditors since you don't listen to me when they call and I answer. If I can't make a $250 monthly payment, what makes you think that I can afford a $500 payment when I miss the first one? And when I finally do get some money, do you really think I'm going to be able to give it all to you, just to bring me current? With your threats, insults and calls every 30 minutes do you really think that out of the several unpaid bills that I have, you will be the first on my list? You've completely priced me out of the market. Wouldn't it make more sense for me to take a 7-year hit to my credit report than to be paying you until I die because all of your fees? And the most frustrating thing of all, didn't the President say that he would be doing something about these companies and their exorbitant fees?

My pay now barely covers my mortgage, electricity, yoga and cable. (Without health insurance then I must do yoga to stay physically and mentally healthy.) I barely have enough money for food for my dogs and I. I don’t drive anywhere other than work and yoga because gas is over $3/gallon. I don’t go anywhere because everything costs money and all I do is watch TV because it’s already paid for. It's hard enough to not let the idea of 3 meals a day stress me out and the fact that I can't justify spending my food budget on carpet cleaner, dog gates or training. And I’ve stopped answering my phone. These companies inability to be flexible is absurd. I still can’t understand why they wouldn’t want small payments when I have little money. I still can’t understand why they think doubling the payments will entice me to make a payment sooner. Do they expect me to rob Peter to pay Paul?

I’m trying to live as positive as I can, but some make it really difficult. I am not blaming anyone for the trouble I am in. I’m not even asking you to feel sorry for me. But when I can’t come to your party because I need to bring something, or buy you a birthday present, or even go to a movie, please understand that I can’t, of course unless it’s free of cost, which nothing is. (Plastic grocery bags won’t even be free soon.) When I don’t have you over to my home, understand that it is because it is disgusting and I’m embarrassed to live in these quarters myself. When I get so excited about TV, please don’t make fun of me because it’s the only entertainment I get.

I’ve learned a $10,000 lesson that I can’t worry myself sick over what is unchangeable. I've learned to be thankful for the small things like my cute little dogs that love me, (I look forward to their wagging tails and kisses despite the havoc wreaked on my condo), sunny warm days (that for some reason are few and far between this summer), good books from the library, entertaining TV and most of all, my new wonderful friends on Twitter. I've learned that I'm not alone despite how many people like me try to hide what's really going on and I want you to know that if you’re going through the same ordeal, that you’re not alone.

Short and Sweet and So Was the Week

Thank God for this week of Big Brother. Things finally got a little interesting and show promise of getting even better.

There was a house meeting called to discuss something that should never go on in the Big Brother house…. DECEPTION! Can you believe it? They sat, sorry, lounged, while only 4 or 5 of them spoke. There was no yelling, BUT, the story is spicing up.

I predict that Matt will stay this week. I would like to see Andrew or Ragan as HoH and Rachel and Brendon on the block.

What I Think About Who:

Andrew – LOVE! I think he’s understated and that’s why I like him. He knows more then he lets on, I just hope he can keep out of harms way. I wish the yarmulke could come off.

Annie – She’s definitely coming back.

Brendon – This guy is hot but what a douche. He would be my main target just because he’s annoying and his dumb hat is too.

Britney – She’s a bitch but how can you not giggle at/with her? I still haven’t seen her yell or get confrontational and even though the game would get more interesting, that’s probably why I still like her.

Enzo – Still amazed by how tall he looks and that he’s married with kids. He looks and acts like an old teenager. I like him, but haven’t seen much in terms of game yet. I hope his gas has passed. (Pun intended.)

Hayden – I respected him much more before the showmance. Now I could care less because that game is tired and boring. I was hoping he was going to be a real player. I just don’t care for romances on this show. It makes for too much whispering.

Kathy – Lazy, but maybe she thinks she's on vacation. I was really rooting for her and I keep waiting for her to prove everyone wrong because I thought I saw something in her, but she hasn’t gotten off her arse this entire game. I kind of hope she’s called to action so we can see what she’s made of.

Kristen – Fem-Bot now in showmance which means she’s even less interesting to me than last week. Who would have thought that was possible? But heck, at least she’s talking game this week.

Lane – Who? Seriously, how can I still not have a clue about this dude?

Matt – While I don’t really respect his game and think he’s your typical genius, meaning not street smart at all, but I thank him for upping his game and making this show more interesting. It almost balances out.

Monet – Leaving… I hope. I hate to say this about a human being but she has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Rachel – Can’t wait to see if her God-complex sticks around next week. I’m so tired of hearing how in love she is with Brendon and how this is the real thing. Snore. I’m also very disappointed on how she’s let herself go. She keeps talking about how this will be the season to go down in history, then why not put some clothes on, and maybe a blemish stick once in a while? She’s too pretty to go to waste like this.

Ragan – Wonder why he feels called to be mediator, but thankful someone is starting to rev this game up. I like his tatt’s and would like to see more so I can decide what I think. I want to know more still.

Hey Thanks Chima!

Big Brother is back and I’m getting more and more entrenched in it. By now, if you are too, you have seen we have touchy producers who failed at creating a theme for the show, a bad showmance, no variety in houseguests, and get this, no confrontation!! Is Big Brother 12 suffering the repercussions of Chima Simone’s behavior last season? I am thinking so. Unfortunately, the much anticipated show has been a sleeper.

We must call out the elephant in the room and that is the whole “Saboteur” theme. Did that whole theme really fail as bad as it did? The fact that no one thought the saboteur was the saboteur yet she was still voted out, by a unanimous decision the first week, shows that Annie must have somehow fooled everyone directly involved in vouching for her during the casting process. Just her opening her mouth rubbed people the wrong way, so why they ever thought she would be a good candidate for this role, or even show, is beyond me. It’s almost as if they owe us an apology after all the silly hype.

I’ve never been on the Superpass feeds before this year, but I’m guessing by all the feedback on Twitter that the “We’ll Be Right Back” that I see nearly every time I log on, is not a regular thing. They seem to pull the feeds down at any hint of excitement! Someone will speak loudly and the feeds will go down briefly. Last night, someone farted and they came down momentarily. This could all be technical glitches, but I’ve been looking for a pattern. I understand they want to save all the good stuff for the networks and ratings, but I thought that paying extra money would provide more insight into the house other than just the superfluous. When it was pointed out to me on Twitter by several that the producers are probably being extra careful this year because of all the drama surrounding Chima Simone and her early departure, I’ll admit I was disappointed at the networks’ reaction.

I was not (and still am not) a Rachel hater, however I hate the Brenchel thing. Perhaps this is all part of her plan, but I hate seeing her give her game to anyone, let alone a dude (who in my opinion is playing her). Never in a million years would I consider Jeff and Jordan a power couple, but shoot, they were at least smart at how they went about leveraging their alliance. Even our cute, sweet, airhead Jordan, wasn’t about to give up her game for a guy that she just met. They didn’t get down in front of others creating a huge target straight away.

All the cast members are all practically the same age, thus making this season more like The Hill’s than Big Brother. Who cares if people didn’t especially like the older cast members, they made better TV! Other than about game play, the conversations were more than just about nail polish and who looked busted. How many of you are wishing for a confrontational, “Judas” scene now, huh? (And that season had two members over the age of 40!) All I’m saying is that it seems like the producers didn’t give us much variety.

In Big Brother history I’ve never seen so many people not be confrontational. They are passive aggressive and they only talk behind people’s backs and not to their face. In one breath, someone will talk about someone, and in the next breath go down and sit right next to them. Who was doing the casting? Spineless doesn’t make for good TV.

All in all, regardless of my banter, I am glad Big Brother is back. I am thankful for Twitter, the feeds and Showtime After Dark because I get to find out what’s going on real time since the shows are days behind what actually happens. I have faith that things are going to get better.

What I Think About Who:

Andrew – I like him. He makes things interesting. I know people think he’s a bit weird, but I truly like him. Plus, you never know what he’s going to do next which makes for good TV.

Annie – She’s definitely coming back

Brendon – I love that he is the cook a lot of the time. A really hot guy, but a girls’ worst nightmare. I think he’s insincere and playing Rachel.

Britney – I think she’s a chameleon and becomes whoever you want her to be. If she’s around nice people, she’s nice. If she’s around mean girls, she’s a mean girl. If she’s around men, she plays the girly girl airhead.

Enzo – He is the comic relief of the group. Not sure how well of a game player he is yet, but I definitely like what he adds to the group.

Hayden – Justin Bieber! I’m not sure why I don’t like him, but it may be the Justin Bieber vibe he has going or maybe just the new facial hair he’s sporting.

Kathy – I like Kathy. The first week she basically hung back and profiled everyone, like a cop does, maybe using her injuries to do so. Not sure what we have in store but I think she’s a smart player so far.

Kristen – If you’ve seen my tweets, I think she is a Fem-Bot. She’s gorgeous with a perfect body but moves and talks a bit robotic. She’s like wallpaper which may be a good game.

Lane – No opinion yet. I just don’t feel like I know him at all. At least with Kristen you always know she’s in her bikini and in the hot tub.

Matt – All I know is that he’s the genius, laying down all the time, hand down his pants guy. I think I get distracted from his story by the bandaged up tatt. I’m very curious as to what it is.

Monet – Megabitch. (She only gets one word.)

Rachel – I like Rachel. She’s never bothered me. I just wish she would stand up and be a strong woman than depending on Brendon and offering up her game to him.

Ragan – So far I like him, but I really haven’t seen much of his game play. No opinion thus far.

My Farewell to the Real Housewives Drama

The Real Housewives of Wherever has always been an entertaining reality show but somewhere along the line, we all (self-included) started taking it all a little too serious.

What happened? When did we (all) cross this line? When did everyone stop being objective and start taking sides to the point of throwing all common sense, compassion and friendship out the door? (And please, let’s not kid ourselves saying we’re loyal to our cast member because then we sound 12.)

Being a fan of this show has recently been taken to a whole new level. In case you are somehow able to hide from this nonsense, a cast member used Twitter to respond to something put out by another cast member. (And let’s not kid ourselves, this particular cast member is always putting things “out there.”) Arguments ensued and the following morning an actual journalist dropped a bomb reporting financials of the cast member that responded. It could have all been merely a coinky-dink, but I sincerely doubt it.

What happened after that literally threw me into a Kelly-sized meltdown and I am still a bit depressed about how disgusting people can be.

On Twitter, my favorite forum for comments, feedback and fun, people were cyber-bullying anyone who thought differently than them. People who were friends were suddenly arguing. Some were posting people’s home addresses, and not just the actual Real Housewives (not that it’s ok!), but real civilians. Some people made jokes that some humorless people took seriously. Some people misquoted folks and some people posted stories that were later revealed to be untrue.

The worst part? We were all trying to justify how others were going too far but not looking at ourselves. We all got so blinded by our cause and our misplaced loyalty that we failed to realize that none of this has absolutely any bearing on our real lives, whatsoever. We’ve also missed the fact that nothing is ever what it seems on TV or in the tabloids. As Jennifer Gilbert succinctly put it, “There are three sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth.”

So why all of this hate? What is the point, unless of course you just need an outlet for your anger as I’ve seen in some of the hate-themed blogs? Why spend your precious time spreading how awful these people are when you can just turn the channel, or pick up a book or even better yet, go live your own life? Plus, if we were all checking and citing our sources for all of this nonsense, we would be journalists!! But we’re not. We are fans and bloggers looking for stimulating entertainment and collaboration.

Because of my financial status right now I feel I’m watching more TV than ever before and I haven’t stopped watching this show since last June. (The economy is hitting us all in different ways!) I’ve been with these ladies a long time and will probably still watch the show, but I can no longer metabolize it the way I have for a year now. I can’t let a TV show that doesn’t even pay me affect my life and/or rule my conversations anymore.

In the words of Vickie Gunvalson, “It used to be FUN.”

Let’s not allow a TV show to break us apart as women. We need each other and should be banding together rather than tweeting our enemy’s home addresses and/or telling them to die.