You Are Not Alone

For the last year I’ve been struggling financially. Not unlike anyone else in this country, but I thought I would share my experience with you because I feel comforted when I know I’m not the only one going through a particular situation.

Over a year ago, I got a new boss hired by a slew of other new bosses who came in and changed the commission structure in which we were paid. Not only did she halve our commissions, but also changed our monthly commission pay out to quarterly, which was very difficult to get used to after being with the company for almost 5 years. Most of us on the team found ourselves so underwater in our finances that by the time we got our paycheck, the pay we received basically paid our debts that we had incurred over the previous quarter. With that we had to deal with new heads of departments that not only made our work life a living hell because they changed every way we had done business for the past 5 years, but we had to watch as they enjoyed their monthly pay, while we were paid every 3 months.

I’ll admit, my overhead was a bit high and was used to living very comfortably. Now, I was using my entire check to pay my rent and for bills. I had a very small savings account and decided to take the opportunity to try and purchase a condo through a short sale. The price was absurdly cheap and my mortgage payments would be over $200 cheaper than renting. The condo needed a lot of work and was 30 miles away, but I was looking forward to fixing up my own little home and it was where the weather was warmer, so I jumped at the opportunity. During this short sale, because my savings were so small, my assets were frozen and I was not allowed to use my savings because it was for my down payment and closing costs. When I won the condo in the short sale, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel because with my mortgage + HOA dues being smaller than my rent was, I would be able to save some money and redo the place. And even better, I would soon be able to afford a new car since mine is 15-years old.

When I moved, I was in the middle of the pay cycle and would not be getting a check until the end of January. (We got paid the month after the quarter ended.) In January, through fault of my own and my inability to keep my snarky comments to myself, I lost my job.

So, I had my commission check that was used to pay for the move and the expenses I had incurred to live on + unemployment. Not to mention a home that was waiting to be redone and since I couldn't afford dog gates, what wasn't already icky was now destroyed by chewing or dog pee.

The day after I lost my job, I was contacted by a recruiter that said they had a great opportunity for me and I stupidly took the bait. I took everything they told me as truth and ended up losing pretty much everything, including my self-esteem. After that, I went on several job interviews but was really afraid of being “sold” another position in which they lied about the package I would be receiving. With 5 people trying for every 1 job, I felt I was lucky when I finally received a job making less than half of what I was making, plus the potential for more income through commission.

For 6 months, I was able to stay on top of my bills but at about June, I saw that I was not ramping up as expected and that I was about to run out of money. I contacted all of my creditors (believe me, I racked up a lot of debt from the quarterly pay and then being out of work) and asked if there was any way that they could lower the monthly payments. Or maybe I could just give them $20 until I was back on my feet - anticipating that would be soon. Each and everyone of them said no, and not only no, but if I didn’t pay soon, the minimum payment would go up.

Shortly after that futile attempt, I had a seizure at my office, which was most likely caused by a stress-induced migraine. I was taken on a five-mile ride by ambulance to the hospital where I was for only 3 hours. This bill ended up being over $10,000 and I’m still actually fighting for the right to my license as the ambulance reported my loss of consciousness to the DMV.

So now, here I am. Barely making any money still (yet miraculously still optimistic) and I am now receiving over 25 calls a day to my cell and home phone from creditors that I had tried to contact to work out something but would have nothing to do with me.

The minimum payments pretty much double every month and I’ve hit all the limits so I’m being charged late fees and over limit charges. And the calls keep coming. Not one company remembers me trying to contact them to work out a deal, yet they all want to work out a deal now. I’ve tried being honest about my situation to no avail. They say that they can lower the APR and wave fees for me, but it’s too late, I repeat myself over and over that I have nothing and don’t know when I will. They ask if I can get the money from someone, in which I respond that I’m single. They ask if I will have the money tomorrow, in which I say no. Then they talk louder and say that I better figure something out soon because the payment keeps rising. They assure me they will give me a week before the calls keep coming and also assure me they won’t call my cell anymore. And when we hang up? They call in the next half-hour to both lines.

I have a couple things to say to you creditors since you don't listen to me when they call and I answer. If I can't make a $250 monthly payment, what makes you think that I can afford a $500 payment when I miss the first one? And when I finally do get some money, do you really think I'm going to be able to give it all to you, just to bring me current? With your threats, insults and calls every 30 minutes do you really think that out of the several unpaid bills that I have, you will be the first on my list? You've completely priced me out of the market. Wouldn't it make more sense for me to take a 7-year hit to my credit report than to be paying you until I die because all of your fees? And the most frustrating thing of all, didn't the President say that he would be doing something about these companies and their exorbitant fees?

My pay now barely covers my mortgage, electricity, yoga and cable. (Without health insurance then I must do yoga to stay physically and mentally healthy.) I barely have enough money for food for my dogs and I. I don’t drive anywhere other than work and yoga because gas is over $3/gallon. I don’t go anywhere because everything costs money and all I do is watch TV because it’s already paid for. It's hard enough to not let the idea of 3 meals a day stress me out and the fact that I can't justify spending my food budget on carpet cleaner, dog gates or training. And I’ve stopped answering my phone. These companies inability to be flexible is absurd. I still can’t understand why they wouldn’t want small payments when I have little money. I still can’t understand why they think doubling the payments will entice me to make a payment sooner. Do they expect me to rob Peter to pay Paul?

I’m trying to live as positive as I can, but some make it really difficult. I am not blaming anyone for the trouble I am in. I’m not even asking you to feel sorry for me. But when I can’t come to your party because I need to bring something, or buy you a birthday present, or even go to a movie, please understand that I can’t, of course unless it’s free of cost, which nothing is. (Plastic grocery bags won’t even be free soon.) When I don’t have you over to my home, understand that it is because it is disgusting and I’m embarrassed to live in these quarters myself. When I get so excited about TV, please don’t make fun of me because it’s the only entertainment I get.

I’ve learned a $10,000 lesson that I can’t worry myself sick over what is unchangeable. I've learned to be thankful for the small things like my cute little dogs that love me, (I look forward to their wagging tails and kisses despite the havoc wreaked on my condo), sunny warm days (that for some reason are few and far between this summer), good books from the library, entertaining TV and most of all, my new wonderful friends on Twitter. I've learned that I'm not alone despite how many people like me try to hide what's really going on and I want you to know that if you’re going through the same ordeal, that you’re not alone.